Can a Betraying Partner Earn Back Your Trust? (Part 2)

Can a Betraying Partner Earn Back Your Trust? (Part 2)

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair Recovery, Betrayal Trauma, and Surviving Infidelity. The owner of Relationship experts private practice and host of Relationships Uncomplicated Podcast
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Are you confused and unsure how to regain trust after infidelity occurred in your relationship? Are you a betrayed partner wondering if it makes sense to stay with your unfaithful partner at all? 

A woman glancing at a man's phone, depicting trust issues post-cheating. Discovering how to regain trust after infidelity. Schedule a consultation with Relationship Experts. Helping couples in Virginia, Colorado, New York, California, North Carolina, Ohio, Illinois and Florida in the United States and in Canada

You aren’t alone. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship. While it is possible to rebuild trust and recover from an affair, determining whether your relationship has what it takes to heal is a crucial step too important to skip. 

How To Regain Trust After Infidelity – LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE

This is where my Why Stay Inventory comes in. You might be willing to make things work after your partner was unfaithful to you, but what about your partner? Are they willing to make your relationship work as well? To figure this out, I provide some key indicators worth your attention.

How to Rebuild Trust With The Why Stay Inventory

Essentially, the Why Stay Inventory is a list of four qualities or characteristics in your relationship that indicate it is okay to stay together after infidelity. To use the inventory best it is important to know a couple of things first:

  1. It is likely that only some of the qualities mentioned in the inventory will happen at once. Some of them may be achieved through counseling or deep conversations you’ll have with your partner going forward. Thus, self-assessment is a key part of using the inventory.
  2. A helpful way to self-assess is to score the areas/qualities discussed in the inventory on a numerical scale (1 to 5) as a way of indicating how confident you are and where you need improvement.

A low rating indicates a need to slow down and write out what you need from your partner. After infidelity, couples often face difficulties communicating productively. Perhaps you can relate? It’s not unusual to feel so overwhelmed with strong emotions that it is hard to articulate what you mean or what you need to rebuild trust. This is where my Why Stay Inventory can help.

The Why Stay Inventory & The Betraying Partner


In this part of the inventory, as the hurt partner, consider whether your unfaithful partner is regretful, showing guilt, or remorse. Moreover, do they reveal any empathy for what you are experiencing?

Often, an unfaithful partner says, repeatedly, that they are sorry. However, they must go further than that. It is important that they are sorry for what they did, but more importantly, it is important that they apologize for hurting their partner so badly. Empathy is an acknowledgement of your pain even though they cannot heal it all at once.

Assess the level of your partner’s remorse from 1 to 5. What’s missing? What are you willing to do to raise a low score?


This part of the inventory addresses the extent to which your unfaithful partner is willing to fight for the relationship. Are they willing to do whatever it takes to heal the relationship and make it better? If so, do they take responsibility for their actions and address the affair on their own? In other words, are they accountable enough to discuss and tackle infidelity-related issues without you (the hurt partner) always bringing them up?

If they are truly interested in learning how to regain trust after infidelity, your unfaithful partner should be willing to check in with you often. They should be open regarding their whereabouts. A betraying partner who is accountable, transparent, and patiently attentive is a partner ready to heal.

A man comforting an upset woman signifies the demanding journey to rebuild trust after infidelity. Contact Relationship Experts for a free consultation. Serving couples in New York, California, North Carolina, Ohio, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, Virginia, and across the USA & Canada.

Assess the level of your partner’s vigilance from 1 to 5. What’s missing? What are you willing to do to raise a low score?

The Why Stay Inventory & The Hurt Partner


Do you feel that this relationship is worth saving? It is true that you have discovered something that shattered your trust and introduced a heavy measure of confusion to your relationship right now. Still, is there something inside you that indicates your connection can be rescued? Ask yourself:

  • Do you like each other?
  • Do you still love your partner?
  • Do you think they love you?
  • Do you have children or a wonderful family? 
  • Do you have more things going for you than not?
  • Can you trust your partner for important parts of your life (despite your lack of trust romantically)?

What do you feel is still present and worthwhile in your relationship? Staying is possible if you can still see ways that you can trust and rely on your unfaithful partner.

Assess the level of your persistence from 1 to 5. What’s missing? What are you willing to do to raise a low score?


Are you willing to trust differently from now on? Are you ready to give up the first period of your marriage and end the period of innocent or blind trust? You must be willing to give this up to start a new relationship in which more open-eyed trust is at the center. This is not something to take lightly. It is one of the most difficult things a hurt partner will do. 

A sort of mourning takes place as you figure out how to regain trust after infidelity. To give up the way you trusted before is a loss for both of you. To rebuild trust now, you must both approach trust with mindfulness and maturity. You know you have something to lose and must keep a close eye on things. To stay together, you must make peace with open-eyed trust and relinquish the innocent trust of the past. 

Assess the level of your willingness to relinquish blind trust from 1 to 5. What’s missing? What are you willing to do to raise a low score?

A couple holding hands, symbolizing comfort and trust. Discover how to regain trust after infidelity with Relationship Experts. Serving couples in FL, CA, IL, NC, CO, OH, NY, and across the USA and Canada.

After Your Relationship Assessment: What Now?

As you deal with the aftermath of infidelity, I believe that this inventory will be super helpful for deciding whether it is “okay to stay?” If you and your partner can talk about things calmly, I would absolutely encourage you to use your assessments of these inventory qualities. Allow them to help guide your conversation or a series of two or three smaller conversations. 

If this assessment indicates that it really is okay to stay together, you may still need to address qualities that are not at a level 5. What are you willing to do to improve them? Time, on its own, will not heal them. In fact, the inventory may be indicating that it is time for you to take your efforts to rebuild trust to a professional. They can help you learn how to create the relationship you want.


We have a team of compassionate professionals at Relationship Experts ready to support couples who want to learn how to regain trust after infidelity. Please permit us to guide you through your affair recovery. Our practice offers various programs, resources, and help. Please look through our online options when you can. 

Our valuable infidelity recovery coaching program is likely to be worth your time.

Please do the following to get connected soon:

  1. Call to schedule a complimentary 45-minute consult.
  2. Talk with a program specialist. Assess the Affair Recovery Program together.
  3. Begin understanding how to regain trust after infidelity now!


Our therapists and specialists at Relationship Experts provide care designed for lasting recovery and connection. This relationship-focused private practice is established in the US and receives clients in Miami, Florida. In addition, our services can be acquired virtually. Please reach out online in the United States, Canada, or the UK. Learn more on our blog page.


How To Regain Trust After Infidelity

I’m Idit, your blog writer & podcast host.

practice owner relationship expert PODCASTER
blog writer

I am the owner of the highly respected Relationship Experts private practice based in Miami, Florida and focused on affair recovery. In over a decade and together with my team, we help couples with surviving infidelity and healing from betrayal trauma

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair-Recovery and Infidelity Counseling in The United States and worldwide.

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