What did you experience when you discovered your partner’s infidelity? Did you feel like the literal ground beneath your feet shifted or fell away? Does your mental and emotional equilibrium still feel unsteady well after the initial shock?
It’s okay. You are not alone in this. And what you’re feeling is not a sign of weakness. Your relationship foundation has indeed been shaken and you’re simply feeling it…deeply. Betrayal can lead to something known as Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome (PTIS), a psychological response much like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While PTIS is specifically linked to the trauma of infidelity, it shares many similarities with PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts and emotional dysregulation. PTIS is very real.
Understanding and recognizing the signs and symptoms is crucial if you’re experiencing it. Your experience matters and seeking professional guidance can help you and your partner navigate a clear and lasting path to healing.
Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome Explained
First and foremost, know that Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome is a legitimate trauma response. If your mind races with unwanted, intrusive infidelity-related thoughts and images that leave you in emotional distress, your mind and body have been traumatized. This type of response is a hallmark of PTIS. In other words, you are triggered by the emotional turmoil of learning about your partner’s infidelity. In addition to the thoughts and mental pictures you never asked for, PTIS can be characterized by a relentless cycle of emotional reactivity and difficulties trusting anyone, not just your romantic partner.
Again, it’s worth noting that PTIS does share many symptoms of PTSD, including hypervigilance, flashbacks, and emotional dysregulation. You might feel constantly on edge, worried about further betrayal, or internally reliving the painful discovery again and again. But how do you know if what you’re experiencing is PTIS and not something else? Let’s explore common PTIS symptoms further below:
Don’t Dismiss These Common Symptoms of PTIS
Consider the following signs of betrayal trauma. Why? Because Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome symptoms manifest differently in different people. You may experience severe emotional turmoil while others wrestle with damage to their self-worth and relational security. This list may help you determine how you are coping.
- Recurring intrusive thoughts or mental images of the affair can be vivid and distressing. You may feel unable to relax, rest, or escape them at times due to flashbacks, nightmares, or unchecked mental rumination.
- Intense emotional reactions such as anxiety, depression, and anger can arise suddenly or linger for much longer than you’d like. You may feel unable to reign in these feelings and behave in ways that are unlike your previous self. Lashing out and/or completely shutting down may occur.
- Hypervigilance and excessive monitoring of a partner’s behavior may feel necessary in your relationship. You may believe this is the only way to ensure you aren’t caught off guard or deceived again. This can manifest as outright controlling action interrogation, and demanding behavior) or more manipulative and secretive action (phone or email snooping, indirect investigation of whereabouts).
- Avoidance behaviors, such as emotional withdrawal or fear of intimacy feel safer than engaging. Your impulse may be to stay “safe” by burying or ignoring circumstances that cause you to feel the affair fallout. For some, this becomes the status quo. For others, there are cycles of seeking closeness and pushing away.
- Difficulty believing, communicating with, and trusting your unfaithful partner and others in future relationships. Your ability to trust feels utterly compromised. It isn’t unusual to be disturbed by the feeling that your partner is a stranger or someone who never really loved you. You may even find that you have sometimes become quite cynical, quite clingy, or both.
Going through any of this is likely taxing your mental, emotional, and physical energy. You likely feel you have nothing left in reserve. This isn’t unusual either. In fact, you may not realize that your partner, despite the role they played in your current situation, is suffering in much the same way.
Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome Affects The Betrayed and The Betrayer
In your pain, you may wonder if your unfaithful partner feels a modicum of the same guilt, frustration, or helplessness. It’s important to try to see your partner’s humanity on this point. While PTIS primarily impacts the betrayed partner, do recognize that your unfaithful partner is also affected. They are wrestling with the unattended emotions underlying your relationship, the shame of their poor choices, and ongoing guilt regarding your current distress. These emotions can complicate the healing process, leading to unhealthy relationship patterns such as emotional distance, resentment, or cycles of conflict.
In all honesty, Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome is inherently a relational issue, affecting the dynamic between you and your partner. Neither of you can heal well on your own. This makes it crucial for you both to be involved in the infidelity recovery process. Acknowledging the affair is just the beginning. Together, you must work at surviving infidelity. You can work towards overcoming unresolved trauma and building a healthier connection.
How Infidelity Recovery Therapy Helps Manage PTIS
Seeking professional support is vital in managing PTIS effectively. Have you considered how trauma-informed therapy might help you process emotions, reduce triggers, and regain emotional stability? Such therapy focuses on understanding the impact of trauma and guides individuals through their recovery journey.
Additionally, structured infidelity recovery programs are another valuable resource. These programs offer step-by-step guidance for both partners to rebuild trust and navigate healing. Our infidelity program goes above and beyond to ensure your healing individually and as a couple. Our 8-week approach affords you and your partner customized care and guidance. We aim to lay out a clear roadmap toward lasting reconciliation and wholeness as a team.
You can come back after an infidelity crisis, reattach with new communication tools, and restart the loving you hope for. While our infidelity recovery program does not directly treat PTSD or PTIS, many couples report an improvement in symptoms due to the overall healing and trust-building within the program. Additionally, we occasionally refer clients to local trauma-informed therapists who can provide specialized treatment for PTIS, complementing their ongoing recovery efforts.
Are you ready to take the first step toward healing from betrayal trauma via professional guidance? Whether trauma-focused therapy or a structured infidelity recovery program is your next step, there are resources available to help you navigate the aftermath of infidelity.
Remember, you are not alone, and with support, healing is within reach.
THE BOTTOM LINE? YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD MORE EMPOWERED WITH PTIS SUPPORT IN THE UNITED SATETS, CANADA AND THE UK
Our therapists at Relationship Experts are prepared to offer more expert insights, PTIS therapy options, and recovery resources as soon as you reach out. You’ll find the support you need to rebuild trust and move forward in your relationships. to support you as you navigate healing from infidelity trauma. We want to guide and encourage your journey toward communication, trust, and enduring connection. We are here to offer the direction and empathy you need. Please don’t delay care any longer.
Our infidelity recovery coaching program is waiting for you. You can contact us anytime in a few steps:
- Schedule a free 45-minute consultation.
- Have a discussion with a program specialist.
- Learn about PTIS and lasting recovery today!
MORE CARE FROM RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS IN THE USA, CANADA & UK
Our Relationship Experts team encourages relationship healing while helping to rebuild trust, communication, and emotional intimacy. Our private practice assists clients in Miami, Florida. However, not to worry if you live or work elsewhere. Feel free to consider our online services. We will connect with you in the US, United Kingdom, and Canada. Please read more information on our blog page or listen to our podcasts on Spotify or watch our YouTube channel.
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