Help! We Worry The Pain of Infidelity Will Never Fade

Help! We Worry The Pain of Infidelity Will Never Fade

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I'm idit sharoni, lmft
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair Recovery, Betrayal Trauma, and Surviving Infidelity. The owner of Relationship experts private practice and host of Relationships Uncomplicated Podcast
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All you and your partner want is to heal and feel “normal” again. To put the pain of infidelity in the past may be such a strong desire that it feels overwhelming. On the other hand, you may also feel anxious about what life together really looks like when the active healing is done.

These worries about life after infidelity are all too common. Why? 

Ultimately, it goes back to the word “normal.” After infidelity, it can feel like normal is the goal…a safe place to return and get on with your life together. In reality, navigating the pain of infidelity is plagued with disturbing questions like:

  • Will we ever go back to normal?
  • Does our old normal make sense for us anymore?
  • Must I always be alert, despite feeling normal? 
  • Will memories of the affair always taint our relationship? 
  • Even if we do get back to normal:
    • Do we stop talking about the affair?
    • Does that mean I must never bring it up? 
    • Is my unfaithful partner excused or off the hook?

Certainly, healing the pain of infidelity involves serious questions and real concerns.

For answers and expertise, I turned to Dr. Yael Haklai-Neagu, a senior therapist in my practice. A licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a certified hypnotherapist, she specializes in couples therapy and affair recovery. 

What to Expect After the Infidelity Healing is Done

Fear of the Relationship Unknown

Yael recognizes, as I do, that life after affair healing comes up repeatedly for our clients. Why? Most couples spend a considerable amount of time working through their couples therapy program. Communication is improving. Relationship recovery is moving forward.

Yet, when the infidelity recovery program ends, it can feel like an emotional security blanket has been snatched away. Without it, couples can flounder, wondering, “What now?”

A couple standing by the lake looking at each other smiling, representing how couples can heal the pain of infidelity with an infidelity recovery program in the United States or Canada.

Post-Healing Problems & Negativity

Call this phase in relationship recovery “scary safety.” Things felt calm and safe in the relationship. Then, just when you think healing is complete, difficult feelings arise. Why?

  • Perhaps you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to infidelity in ways you did in the past.
  • Maybe you are no longer actively healing, contributing to less discussion.
  • Individually, you may feel let down and ask yourselves
  1. Are we really okay? 
  2. Do I have to notice everything now? 
  3. Can I ever let my guard down? If I do, will this happen again? 

Again, you aren’t alone. Fortunately, Yael had some guidance to share with partners worrying about what the future holds.

5 Crucial Tips For Life After Healing the Pain of Infidelity

1. Seek the Help You Need 

After an affair, reaching out for the appropriate support makes all the difference. Complete healing after infidelity is multi-dimensional. Seek professional therapy that specializes in repairing relationships impacted by infidelity.

2. Visualize Realistic Goals 

Couple with closed eyes head to head feeling hopeful after healing from the pain of infidelity. If you are in the aftermath of infidelity you can heal and visualize a brighter future together. Get more information by scheduling a free consultation.

Yael notes that attempts to erase the trauma of infidelity, however desirable, aren’t realistic or healthy. What goals are realistic?

  • Setting a communication goal is productive. 

Healing happens as the ability to communicate improves. As you learn to listen and share differently in conflict, you learn to helpfully communicate your respective pain, trauma, remorse, shame, and guilt. Your communication becomes productive and enriches the healthy bond you’re building.

  • To survive infidelity as a fully functioning team. 

In other words, do more than just move on. It is realistic to expect a full recovery. It is also possible to regain a loving relationship based on trust. Guided appropriately, you can connect and unite around your mutual needs and boundaries. 

3. Determine How You Define Success

I believe our capacity for healing is related to our backgrounds, personalities, ability to grow, and life lessons. To fully heal from the pain of infidelity together, Your definition of healing matters. 

  • Is healing forgetting and never thinking of it again? If so, amnesia is your best hope. 


  • Is healing reaching a stage where the crisis dies down? If so, you’re likely to do well as a unit. You’ll be able to determine ways to connect while accepting that the infidelity is not erased. 

4. Expect Post-Recovery Program Symptoms 

Healing doesn’t end because therapy sessions end. Yael reminds us that triggers or PTSD symptoms can still occur despite a return to relationship normalcy. This isn’t uncommon. If anxiety or intrusive thoughts are problematic, ask yourselves:

  1. In what context am I triggered? Your current circumstances may be affecting your connection.
  2. How scary is it to be vulnerable again? Being totally open with each other can, understandably, lead to a wave of disquieting symptoms.
  3. Are we individually and jointly equipped to deal with these symptoms well? Learning to manage them instead of ignore them inspires safety. 
  4. Have we accepted that healing is complex? Healing after the pain of infidelity isn’t linear. Accept this to help manage pain and expectations.

We Can Help You Cope & Conquer Your Worries 

Our Infidelity Recovery Program aims for you to go forward confidently, even when dark moments arise. With our help, you can capably seek support from your partner without anger or criticism. You’ll also learn to prevent emotional build-up and heal emotional wounds. We will equip you with tools to connect, reconnect, and maintain your hard-earned success together.

Thank You for Your Time!

I hope you enjoyed this post. Find out more about Yael here: Yael Haklai-Neagu, LMFT. Please consider a consultation soon to see if our Infidelity Recovery Program can help you heal the pain of infidelity.


Our therapists at Relationship Experts provide a wide range of services to help you and your partner recover from infidelity. Our Miami, FL-based office offers many different services online throughout the United States, Canada, the UK, and worldwide besides Surviving Infidelity, including Affair Recovery Program, and Remorse Blueprint E-Course. We also offer a free Masterclass for couples looking for the secret to healing from infidelity. Check out our Podcast for more articles like this!

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I’m Idit, your blog writer & podcast host.

practice owner relationship expert PODCASTER
blog writer

I am the owner of the highly respected Relationship Experts private practice based in Miami, Florida and focused on affair recovery. In over a decade and together with my team, we help couples with surviving infidelity and healing from betrayal trauma

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair-Recovery and Infidelity Counseling in The United States and worldwide.

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