Marriage Reconciliation After Infidelity: Common Mistakes (Part 3)

Marriage Reconciliation After Infidelity: Common Mistakes (Part 3)

More like this:

ready for affair recovery?

Take our Recovery Ready Quiz to make sure you are ready to start healing from infidelity.

FREE quiz

I'm idit sharoni, lmft
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair Recovery, Betrayal Trauma, and Surviving Infidelity. The owner of Relationship experts private practice and host of Relationships Uncomplicated Podcast
start healing & rebuilding trust today!
See our Infidelity Recovery Coaching Programs for committed couples.

check out →

Welcome, and thank you for returning to our recent series titled Marriage Reconciliation After Infidelity: Common Mistakes. In our previous two articles, we discussed two common mistakes made by couples who stay together after an affair. Mistake #1 is not ending the affair properly. Mistake #2 is avoiding transparency regarding the betrayal. This blog post will explore yet another misstep couples make when the initial shock of infidelity fades, and efforts to forgive and forget begin to fail. 

A man kneels next to his sitting wife, symbolizing reconciliation after infidelity. Relationship Experts LLC helps couples avoid common mistakes and survive infidelity, offering services in Ohio, the USA, Canada, the UK, Australia, and globally. Schedule a free consultation today!

Before we explore this third reconciliation mistake and how to move forward, please consider a free offering that can provide additional help. We’ve titled it The Secret to Healing After Infidelity Masterclass.

What to Know About The Secret to Healing After Infidelity Masterclass

The masterclass provides you with the essential steps to get off the emotional rollercoaster and enter a clear pathway to healing your relationship, even if healing seems like an impossible mission! You’ll learn our roadmap, which will help you determine what steps you may be skipping in your efforts to reconcile after infidelity. It is a comprehensive look at the whole plan for healing. You can follow this roadmap, which explains how to recover together and overcome issues that may keep you stuck. 

Banner for healing after infidelity masterclass. Roadmap for healing and marriage reconciliation. Schedule a free consultation with Relationship Experts in Ohio, the USA, Canada, the UK, and Australia.

It goes without saying that the revelation of infidelity leads to shock. That phase is then followed by a specific, intense conversation. Does that conversation make sense at the time? Of course! It makes perfect sense. Yet, the decisions following that conversation will likely be frustrating for both of you if you don’t have a plan. 

For example, after the shock phase, many betraying partners and hurt partners have an initial discussion summed up by a statement like this:

“If we want to continue our relationship and be happy, we have to move on from this. We need a new page/chapter in our relationship.

Worse, hurt partners who continue to express their hurt feelings may even get this message from their unfaithful spouse:

“You have to forgive and forget; otherwise, we’ll be stuck in this pain forever and never lead a normal life.”

Yet, this is where the Marriage Reconciliation After Infidelity Mistake # 3 lies. The mistake is that reconciling couples skip the important steps of healing. Instead, they decide to “start fresh.” Or begin a “new chapter.” Or ”forgive and forget.”

Why Do Couples Attempting Marriage Reconciliation Try to Forgive and Forget?

To be fair, the decision to just turn the page on the infidelity is not just the goal of the betraying partner. Often, both partners agree that pushing ahead is the right thing to do. The idea is to “bury the monster” in their marriage and move on with their lives pain-free. 

A man stands with his hand raised, stopping his spouse from talking. Marriage reconciliation is a long process with many challenges. Relationship Experts can save relationships, serving couples in Ohio, the USA, Canada, the UK, and Australia. Schedule a free consultation today.

Undoubtedly, in this stage of marriage reconciliation, there is euphoria tied to the idea of a “new chapter”. It’s not unusual to feel as if you and your partner have beaten the infidelity sickness afflicting your marriage. This euphoria may be linked to the increased teamwork and attention you are showing each other. In this phase, partners are often intentional about making plans together, going on vacations, going out, and even being more daring in bed. 

Still, soon enough, the hard moments happen. Things seem to be going great, and there’s nothing to complain about, then (usually) the hurt partner struggles. Reality sets in. The couple has a really bad moment followed by more bad moments. As they try to talk about it, the lack of healing complicates marital connection. Couples then resort to reminding each other that they must forgive and forget for things to get back to normal. Inevitably, frustration results from the highs of moving on

Why Forgive And Forget Euphoria Won’t Last 

Continuing your focus on starting fresh leads to despair, anxiety, and depression that further complicate marriage reconciliation after infidelity. Why?

  1. The hurt partner will have too many bad moments/days. The hurt partner feels like something is wrong with them and wonders why they are unable to move on.
  2. The betraying partner will feel helpless that their partner isn’t able to move on. It feels as if the pain will never end.

What To Do For Effective Marriage Reconciliation After Infidelity Instead

  1. Understand and accept that you cannot skip the first phase of healing and get to the forgiveness part.
  1. Before forgiveness, a few things must happen: remorse, transparency, and consistent trust-building efforts help turn things around. These comprise the first healing phase and the most difficult steps you’ll take together. 
  • Remorse: This is more than being sorry for cheating. This is being remorseful for breaking trust and shutting them out. This is the unfaithful partner sharing and showing how much they understand the harm they’ve done. The hurt partner should be healed by their partner’s remorse.
A disappointed looking woman sits next to a table with a bouquet of roses. For effective reconciliation after infidelity contact Relationship Experts online. Serving couples in Ohio, the USA, Canada, the UK and Australia.

  • Transparency: A hurt partner needs to be able to ask questions and get clear, honest answers from their betraying partner. They should be given access to a partner they no longer recognize. The unfaithful partner needs to remain open and tactful when sharing their inner world.
  • Trust-building. This is a consistent process, built incrementally over time. The unfaithful partner must remain patient and constant. The hurt partner must remain open to trusting again.
  1. Acceptance can be a segway into forgiveness. Forgiving may be possible, but acceptance is more likely than forgiveness. Expecting acceptance first is more realistic and achievable for most couples. A betraying partner who starts here and doesn’t press for forgiveness will likely experience more success in reconnecting with their hurt partner.
  1. Forgetting such trauma is counterintuitive. “Moving on” without healing works against every ounce of a person’s nature. While partners may be able to repress/suppress feelings, reactions, thoughts, and memories for some time, it usually doesn’t last long. It certainly isn’t a healthy way to cope. Ideally, with guidance, and proper healing steps, the infidelity will simply become a past event; one that isn’t informing your mind, body, and responses. You want to live and love alongside the affair honestly and productively. 
  1. There will be ups and downs. Even if you decide to move past the infidelity and turn a new page – you need to be ready for a bumpy ride. If you aren’t skipping steps, this emotional rollercoaster is less likely to happen or set you back. 


Our therapists at  Relationship Experts are prepared to serve spouses seeking lasting marriage reconciliation after infidelity. Please permit us to help and guide your affair recovery. A well-regarded staff of experts and resources are available to you. Please review our programs and online assistance whenever you are ready. 

First, examine our renowned infidelity recovery coaching program with a team member.

Afterward, use the following steps to connect.

  1. Ask: for your free 45-minute consultation.
  2. Connect with one of our affair recovery program specialists.
  3. Begin working on effective, rewarding marriage reconciliation right away!


Relationship Experts team is here to support you and your most important connections. Our private practice, in the US, serves clients in Miami, Florida, and its surrounding areas. Our services are also available online. Reach out by phone or computer in the United States, Canada, or the UK. You can read more about our practice on our blog page.


I’m Idit, your blog writer & podcast host.

practice owner relationship expert PODCASTER
blog writer

I am the owner of the highly respected Relationship Experts private practice based in Miami, Florida and focused on affair recovery. In over a decade and together with my team, we help couples with surviving infidelity and healing from betrayal trauma

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Affair-Recovery and Infidelity Counseling in The United States and worldwide.

Comments +

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Listen in

the podcast

follow along



book a call