If you’re like most couples, healing after infidelity is an emotional challenge, unlike anything you and your partner have ever faced before. As you aim to navigate shock, deception, shame, judgment, and more, it may seem easier to just sweep messy, unresolved feelings under the “moving on” rug. Even if you recognize that counseling or an infidelity recovery program is the best way forward, you may still be tempted to speed through the healing process call your relationship “recovered” and hope for the best.
Yet, attempts to skip essential infidelity recovery steps usually just end up hurting your efforts to recuperate fully. Worse, rushing through an affair recovery program can actually do more harm than good.
The best thing you and your partner can do is slow down and get very clear about your goals for working through this season of your relationship. Knowing what it will take to heal and working with an affair recovery therapist can afford you guidance and structure at a time when you’re confused and traumatized. With a proven roadmap forward, the healing process can be productive and insightful- a safe place to share your internal struggles, process your pain, and communicate your needs.
Will you be able to say that choosing to heal through an infidelity program was an overnight success? No.
Will you be able to claim that you responsibly and respectfully took intentional measures to heal yourselves and repair your relationship? Definitely.
So. How can you stop hurting and start healing? Our infidelity program is geared toward aiding your shift from crisis to understanding. Let’s start with a few key insights about our approach to affair recovery that can support your hopes to recreate a loving and trusting relationship.
Rebalance: The First Step to Success in Your Infidelity Recovery Program
Balance is essential for the healing process. The revelation of infidelity puts the relationship in crisis which creates imbalance. As long as couples in the aftermath of infidelity are stuck in crisis mode, they will not start healing. Therefore, the initial stage of affair recovery begins with “rebalancing” the crisis. In other words, we want to help you make the first, most important steps in your healing journey. To rebalance successfully, three things need to occur:
Leave No Doubt: End the Affair
If you are the unfaithful partner, you must demonstrate that you are willing to do what it takes to end all contact with your affair partner. More than simply cutting off in-person, social media, and phone contact, ending the affair must be accomplished in a trustworthy and meaningful manner for you both.
Start Regaining Trust
Though restoring trust will be an ongoing process, this initial phase of trust building is essential for moving through the infidelity recovery program. The unfaithful partner starts regaining trust by patiently allowing their hurt partner to experience and express what they need to express. Simply being available, transparent, and willing to accept your partner’s pain goes a long way in restoring enough trust to keep healing.
Here again, the willing accountability and participation of the unfaithful partner is crucial. A sincere show of remorse matters much more than just saying “I’m sorry.” Though apologies matter, they aren’t enough. Remorse involves approaching the apologies with the appropriate quality and quantity, mindful attention, and body language.
Reconnect: Next, Start Bridging the Gap in Your Communication
In the second stage of our infidelity recovery program, you focus on “reconnection.” To make sense of your situation, you need to communicate in a way that allows affair-related communications to happen. Learning to do this affords you the ability to hear the pain of the hurt partner with compassion and get important insights regarding the betrayal. It also helps create an atmosphere of reconnection through healing conversations.
We’ll concentrate on these three goals:
Communicate Fully and Reconnect Willingly
Communicating openly, honestly, and sincerely is the key to making your interactions healthy and productive. Learning to ask questions, be transparent, and deepen communication without doing more damage is a skill learned in affair recovery.
Get Some Clarity About Motives
We also get down to what the infidelity really means. You will ask, “Why did this happen?” and draw some helpful conclusions. This is about more than facts and affair details. This gets to the heart of your internal lives.
Face the Trauma
Examining and conversing about the consequences of the affair may also be part of this stage. You’ll talk about the fallout for each of you, your relationship, your loved ones, and even the family of the affair partner. Taking time for self-care is also important at this time.
Restart: A New and Improved Relationship
In this last stage of your affair recovery program, think “restart.” At this point, we focus on helping you start your new relationship that is better than before. We don’t want you to just survive infidelity, we want you to thrive! What does this fresh start look like? Three things are key.
Create New Rules & Boundaries
To prevent the kind of resentment and disconnect that can set up shop in your previous relationship, you need to set boundaries and relationship rules. These guidelines need to be mutually beneficial and communicated or revised as needed. Actively listening to each other without judgment will help lessen miscommunication and conflict.
Restore Emotional Intimacy
Foster intimacy, by routinely communicating compassionately, honestly, and with humility. Avoidance is the enemy of intimacy. Don’t withhold the truth for the sake of fear or keeping the peace. It matters more that you both feel free to share openly. Share so that care and maintenance of the relationship are your priority. Keep in mind that your respective experiences are subjective; be understanding. Emotional safety and authenticity will be gifts you give each other.
Prevent Infidelity Relapse
As your affair recovery program comes to a close, be proactive when it comes to protecting your relationship going forward. Do your best to pay attention to any areas that could disconnect you or invite the affair partner back in. You may want to consider sessions with a therapist individually or schedule time as a couple for relationship maintenance as well.
Finally, as you navigate your affair recovery program, realize that the healing process is different for each couple. Success is measured through a subjective evaluation at the end of the process. In our program, couples either reach or come close to obtaining their recovery goals. Most of our couples achieve their relationship goals within 8-10 weekly sessions.
With our structure and guidance, we will meet you where you are.
JOIN US TO BEGIN INFIDELITY RECOVERY IN THE UNITED STATES OR AROUND THE WORLD
Are you ready for support in re-establishing a lasting connection with your partner after affair recovery? Let’s work through that process together. Our infidelity recovery program can help determine how to embrace and create the nurturing, compassionate relationship you both want.
Please take the next step towards recovering from an affair and healing today. Find guidance and support at Relationship Experts. With our proven infidelity recovery coaching program, you and your partner can take meaningful steps toward a new relationship and authentic restoration. Take these three straightforward steps to get set up right away:
- Schedule your free consultation.
- Meet our program specialist to learn more about our Affair Recovery Programs and how we can support you.
- Start healing your relationship!
MORE SERVICES PROVIDED BY RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS
Our team of experts at Relationship Experts provides various affair recovery services developed to assist your healing and reconnection. Our private practice is US-based, however, our services are available worldwide. Please reach out to us online throughout the United States, Canada, and the UK. Also, you may find services such as Surviving Infidelity, for more tools and information. We also offer a Quiz page to help you answer questions about your readiness for a recovery program.