You’ve decided to stay in your marriage. Despite the difficulties and disappointment of infidelity, you are still holding on to each other. You still want a life together. You believe that you can recover.
That’s a big deal. And that’s also really hard. Surviving infidelity is not easy.
Is it possible to be the couple you always wanted to be?
The short answer: yes, surviving infidelity is entirely doable. You can use this experience as an opportunity to heal and grow together in ways you never imagined. Will it be pretty? Probably not. Affair recovery is work. Likely, this is one of the toughest things you will ever do together.
Still, don’t get discouraged. The journey toward each other again is worth the work. Remember, you and your partner don’t have to go it alone. With help and a plan, life and love can be good again. Fortunately, to help you know how well you’re likely to recover, there are signs to mark the way.
5 Signs Your Marriage Will Survive Infidelity
1. Surviving Infidelity Means the Infidelity Stopped Completely
The very first sign that you are on track toward surviving infidelity is a complete and total end to the affair that came between you.
This is more than superficially erasing the affair partner from your lives. If you are the unfaithful partner, you must do more than block their social media, phone calls, and emails. The affair partner must know, unequivocally, that they have no place in your life now. They must accept that there is no space in your future. It is your responsibility to block any access points to your life going forward. If a child is involved, your arrangements to co-parent must be extremely clear, emphasizing the well-being of the child alone.
Most of all, your betrayed partner must know how you plan to sever ties. Resist the urge to become defensive. Instead, build trust by involving your partner in your plan of affair termination. Remain accountable for never going back to cheating or allowing the affair partner to compromise your efforts to save your marriage.
2. Surviving Infidelity Happens When Wrongdoing is Acknowledged
Another telling indicator of how well you and your partner will come through infidelity is how well you face hard facts. Openness about the wrongs committed in your relationship is vital. To acknowledge the realities and consequences of the affair reintroduces truth and honesty to your connection.
Carefully and intentionally dealing with deception signals a decision to be vulnerable and accountable on the betrayer’s part. If you are the hurt partner, a clearer view of your partner’s internal life and hidden world, though painful, can help you feel less blindsided and more in control.
You know you are surviving infidelity well when wrongdoing is acknowledged without doing more harm. A qualified and compassionate therapist can help you both focus on giving recovery a chance. Together, you’ll encourage the unfaithful partner’s desire to be transparent and support the hurt partner’s ability to cope with what is shared.
3. Surviving Infidelity Occurs When Remorse is Real
Sincere and active remorse by the betraying partner is an essential part of surviving infidelity. Essentially, the hurt partner needs to see that the effort to restore good faith exceeds the effort taken to betray them.
If you are the hurt partner, can you say that your partner’s thoughts and feelings are communicated in a non-defensive way? Do they attempt to live out their apologies? Can you hear, see, and feel how sorry your partner is?
If you are the unfaithful partner, can you accept that “I’m sorry” will never be enough? Do you interact knowing that you need to be sensitive to your partner’s need to be considered, heard, and validated? Are you able to remain engaged, resisting withdrawal or overreaction to your partner’s distress?
If you can both answer “yes” to most of these questions, you are likely well on your way to surviving the affair and building the trust that leads to healing.
4. Surviving Infidelity Results from a Commitment to Your Relationship
You both likely know that deciding to stay is one thing. Committing to a whole and healthy relationship is something else. A clear sign that you will survive and thrive together is your renewed dedication to communicating your mutual needs, dreams, stressors, and even periods of unhappiness.
Affairs rarely occur between couples who commit to keep sharing deeply and vulnerably. Moving forward means refusing to let disconnection fester and divide you. Secrecy and superficiality are not tolerated in a committed relationship. The goal is not to stop sharing what works, what you appreciate, and how you would like to see your relationship change.
5. Surviving Infidelity Happens When You Both Commit to Healing
Do you recognize that affair recovery is a consistent effort? Do you diligently stick together without rushing through healing phases toward supposed normalcy? If so, you know that your marriage will survive betrayal.
If you’ve given up the desire to move on too quickly, incompletely, or separately, you’ve given your relationship a fighting chance. Why?
Healing and trust-building include self-examination and acceptance. You both acknowledge how you participated in the breakdown of your relationship. New tools for communication are learned. Shame and blame are traded for a new desire to get comfortable with vulnerability. This nourishes forgiveness, accountability, and a return to true partnership. Of course, this isn’t easy or uncomplicated. But that’s okay. There is no shame in seeking help.
READY TO START AFFAIR RECOVERY?
Are you ready to rebuild trust and heal the wounds in your relationship? Take the first step towards affair recovery and reconnect with your partner on a deeper level. Join our supportive community at Relationship Experts, where you’ll find guidance, resources, and a safe space to navigate the journey toward healing and restoring your relationship’s foundation of love and commitment. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
- Schedule a free consultation or call our office at 305-507-9955 to ask about Affair Recovery
- Meet with one of our skilled affair recovery therapists for your first session
- Begin healing your relationship with your partner!
OTHER SERVICES PROVIDED BY RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS
Our therapists at Relationship Experts provide a wide range of services to help you and your partner recover from infidelity. Our Miami, FL-based office offers many different services online throughout the United States, Canada, the UK, and worldwide besides Surviving Infidelity, including Affair Recovery Program, and Remorse Blueprint E-Course. We also offer a free Masterclass for couples looking for the secret to healing from infidelity. Check out our Podcast for more articles like this!
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